Eric (chadkiedis9) wrote,

As I sit here

Shit has hit rock bottom. I think it's fair to say that things have never been this bad. I have put my room up for rent because I don't have enough money. With one friend, one part-time job, no woman, no money, little social interaction, I sometimes wonder what keeps me going everyday. I am being forced in to moving back home, which I dread. How do I get myself out? What do I need to do? The big question is how did I ever get in to this in the first place? There have always been symbols to let you know. Are the symbols telling me that I need to get out? I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, the same thing is growing old and is ready to die. My spirits have been low for awhile, and I no longer have that optimism, and positive attitude. It's scary to think of the person that I have resembled is a shell of who I was before all of this shit happened. Life can be so cruel to people. I know I don't have it the worst, there's plenty of people that have it worse. I know who I am. I know my flaws and weaknesses and my strengths and aptitudes. Right now my weaknesses are being exploited and I must fight them by working hard at correcting them. I cannot accept the way things are, things must be changed. I am the only one that can change them. The most important thing is to forget about the past, and focus on the present and the future. This may also go with changing my life style drastically and not doing the things that I have been doing. Habits are a hard thing to break, but these habits need to be broken. I know that I am a good person, and have excellent values and kindness. I must forget about the people that bring me down because they don't help me they only hurt me. I must go back to the drawing board, and keep things simple. I can start this off by meditation, exercise, communicating with peers, hard work, preparation, music, singing, experience, not letting others dictate who I am, feeling good about myself and what I'm doing, creating a better environment for me to flourish. I don't know the answers but I it is imperative that I get out of this funk immediately. It's not going anywhere and it won't unless I do something now. Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. No longer will I waste it away, every minute will be spent living, by any means.
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