Eric (chadkiedis9) wrote,

Haven't Done This in a While

I haven't written in this for a number of years. I decided to try and get back in to it when a student from my class used it for his presentation. Whenever I have time to think which is usually when I am alone, I think about my life. Overall I feel that college is not what I expected or wanted it to be. I'm not sure if it's because of where I am or if it's me as a person, maybe it's a mixture of both. There is a culmination of things that I feel should be different, than what they are. My friends, girls, this town, people, this school, should be different. I think that the clique of friends that I hang out with aren't the type of people that I enjoy doing things with. There was a time when I shared the same similarities as them, but I feel that that time has passed. I am 21. I want to go out, do things that I've never done before, meet new people, experience and embrace life. To me people and the friends around you are one of the most important things in life. These cliques in college don't help either. As a senior I feel that I am stuck in a clique that I can't get out of. Girls I believe are the biggest problem and obstacle in my life right now. I think about girls the most. I believe that if I can find someone special in my life and fall in love, then a lot of my concerns and worries will fall through the door. I believe that I have the potential to be happy if I can be in a relationship. I need to find a single chick. It seems that every girl is in a relationship here. This town is boring. Nothing ever happens in Ropo. The only sources of entertainment really are movies, and alcohol. In addition, this is not a college town. This town doesn't care about college students. There is no downtown Ropo. My school I feel lacks a lot of things that other schools have. There needs to be a connection between the school and the students. The students voices need to be heard. People out here I feel are different than me. People don't share the same values as me. People aren't nice out here. In college everyone is in their own world. People are egocentric, they only look out for themselves. I feel like a loser in college. I want to do so much more than what I am doing. I want to go to the bars but I have no one to go with. I go to parties by myself. My friends are lame. This is the time that you should be having the time of your life. Gettin drunk, procastinating about homework, staying up till 4 am, fucking, fucking, fucking. This is my last hoorah. I have one semester to go, and that's it. I'm in to the real world, workin a 9-5 for 40 years. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting beat up by the world. What did I do to deserve this? But, I have to look at it as an experience. I think that I will learn from this experience and appreciate things a lot more. I have to stay positive in the midst of all these negative things in my life. I have to set goals. Take small steps, then larger steps. I have made a valuable effort to make the best of things. But I think that the next step is to make something out of nothing. I have a challenge and I can overcome it. I have learned that my story needs to be heard. I can't keep quite, when I speak I feel good. When I am quite, I think too much. I know the things that I need to do, I just need to do them.     
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